I've been having the exact same problems. I tried an experiment where I created a new user, logged on as that user to see if I could find some difference between my existing settings and the new user's settings.
The new user worked fine (with the kwin starting normally). As soon as I enabled the desktop effects for the new user all the borderless window problems, single desktop problems, slow app start problems, etc. began again. So I went back to my old user account, disabled desktop effects, and it works perfectly fine now.
Of course, this isn't a solution because it means I do not have the nice KDE4 desktop effects that worked on the previous versions. It also doesn't solve the issue with the grey background at the KDM login screen. But it makes me think maybe Rexstuff's comment about the video drivers is heading in the right direction.
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